18 Months

The last few months have been challenging. You test your boundaries minute by minute. I would say the last few weeks have been harder than having a newborn. I tell you no and you look at me with your big blue innocent eyes and give me a look that speaks loud and clear, "You wanna bet Momma." Unfortunately for you your Momma has the same big blue eyes, my look back to you speaks just as loud, "Just try me little man." AND, you do try me. Not just once, usually several times. It is exhausting. My love for you is what keeps me from wavering.
You are quite the little character. When grocery shopping you stand in the back and wave at everyone like you are in a parade. You wink. You have started singing (be still my heart). Dayton is your best friend and you are Dayton's nemesis. You like to sit on him, poke at his eyes, take his food, throw his ball, and repeatedly run your trucks in him. I just can't figure out why he doesn't like you.
We had pictures taken this last week and I was so nervous. Any mother with a toddler, I am sure can understand. You just never know what to expect. Jenny Collier did an awesome job. The session was so laid back. You must check out the sneak preview and slide show at http://jennycollierphotography.com/blog. I highly recommend Jenny. Once I got over my anxiety, it was a lot of fun. Thanks Jenny!

The Many "No's" I Say Everyday

No Ben, stay still so Mommy can change your diaper (about 6 times a day).
No, do not throw food.
No Ben...do not sit on Dayton.
No, do not run your truck into Dayton.
No, do not take the lid off your cup.
No, sit on your bottom.
No Ben, you only flush the potty if you use the potty.
No, we do not eat rocks, dirt or grass.
No, do not play in Dayton's water.
NO! DO NOT eat Dayton's food.
Yes, those are Dayton's eyes, but we do not poke them.
No, we do not put toys in the potty.
No, we do not put our hands in the potty either.
No, we do not take my cup off the table and pour it on the ground and play in it.
No. Stop picking your nose.
No, do not pinch.
No, get out of the refrigerator.
No, stop opening the oven.
No, do not take the remote and run, pushing buttons Mommy does not know how to reverse.
No, get off the hearth.
No, you do not have to pull the food out of your mouth to take a drink, just finish chewing then take a drink.
No, we do not stand on the kitchen chairs.
NO! DO NOT stand on the table. (This is new as of today)
Yes, Mommy loves you.

Ben got a new hat and swim lessons!

I look like a Mom who has had ten cups of coffee before swim lessons. Apparently I am SUPER excited to be at swim lessons.

My Prayer for You

My weight or body image has always been an issue for me, I would say since about third grade. My weight naturally fluctuates. I have unnaturally made my weight fluctuate with the atkins diet, weight watchers, some soup diet courtesy of my sister, writing down every morsel that enters my body, I tried diet pills for one day (thought I might die from the jitters), not eating, etc. ect. John is one of the most complimentary people I know and I know his compliments are sincere. I was complaining one (of multiple times) about my body and he said, "I love your body." Thats what he is suppose to say and I didn't think much about it. Later, when analyzing the conversation (because that is what I do, I'm an analyser) I thought, I wish I saw my body the way John sees it. Then in deeper thought, I wondered how God saw my body. In my evening prayers I began praying for God to show me the way He sees me.
This is what God has shown me. I am a good mother who spends much more time on my child than on myself. My stretch marks are a sacrifice I made to have Ben. I would have stretch marks on my face if I had to to have a child. I am soft for my child to lay on. God made me a nurturer. I would much rather people see me as kind, someone who takes time for other people, someone who sacrifices for the ones I love, a Christian, a good mother, a good wife, someone who is compassionate, than the girl with the good body. I do not want my legacy to be my appearance.
My prayer for all the women in my life is that they start seeing themselves as God sees them.

Happy Anniversary

We married July 1, 2006. It was HOT! The wedding went without a hitch as did the reception. Surprisingly, we didn't lose anyone to a heat stroke. Our big wedding night was spent at home eating Taco Bueno and opening presents. It could not have been more perfect or more fitting for our relationship. We do not need bells and whistles, we are the bells and whistles. I never thought I could love you more than what I did on our wedding day, but I do. I love you.


Our first baby arrived February 12, 2008. I am still sorry for telling you I was pregnant over the phone. Maybe with the next I will tell you in a blog. Not today though. Take a deep breath. Having you as my birthing coach was hilarious. I don't know if I had every seen you so serious before. I wonder if any other woman in labor has ever stopped mid push to start laughing. That day my love for you changed, it matured. I had this little miracle that you and I had made that would connect us for the rest of our lives. I love you.


Three years. It seems like yesterday you proposed to me after my famous pre-proposal words, "I think this is the worst diarrhea I have ever had." Those words set our whole marriage. You are so kind to everyone, a wonderful father, a bigger than words husband to me, a great provider, a phenomenal friend. I love you...even more than mayonnaise. Thank you for choosing ME to be your wife.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Below is my blog from two years ago, right before I turned 26, in CAPS LOCK is my blog from one year ago when I turned 27, and in italics is for this year, the big 2-8.


I see you 26
YOU ARE ALREADY HERE 27?
28, 29, 30...does it really matter?

I am turning 26 this Sunday. I have never really thought about age before or getting older, until this year.
I TURNED 27 TODAY. I HAVE REVERTED BACK TO NOT THINKING ABOUT AGE ANYMORE, THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME.
I still do not think about how old I am, now I think about how old my son is.

A few things I have noticed:

I wear clothes for comfort now.
I WEAR CLOTHES JUST TO COVER MY BARE SKIN.
I wear Mom clothes. Big underwear (I can't even call them panties).

Elastic and I have become quite close.
ELASTIC HAS NOW BECOME EMBEDDED INTO MY SKIN.
I wear SPANX, so the elastic doesn't become embedded in my skin.

Once upon a time high heel shoes didn't hurt my feet.
ONCE UPON A TIME I WORE SHOES EVERYDAY...THAT MATCHED.
My feet have grown a size and a half, or I have realized, I am not really a 7.5.

I worry about my health and heart disease.
I WORRY ABOUT MY SON AND HAVE LITTLE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF.
I am striving to live a healthy life so I can enjoy my grandchildren.

I read the contents in my food, ecpecially the fiber section.
I STILL READ THE CONTENTS OF MY FOOD AND MUST GET FIBER DAILY.
Only water soluble fiber

I take much more time and money on my skin.
I USE BABY SOAP AND BABY LOTION ON MY FACE.
I love clinique, my skin has never looked better

I tan much less and wear sunscreen and sometimes sunblock.
I HAVE NO TIME TO TAN.
I always wear sunscreen.

Bars seem really loud.
ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I HAVE GONE TO A BAR AND I DO NOT SEE GOING IN THE NEAR FUTURE OR EVEN THE DESIRE TO GO.
I go to Church now.

I get in my pajamas much earlier now.
I NEVER GET OUT OF MY PAJAMAS.
I get out of my PJ's during Ben's first nap.

I haven't seen 2 AM, in probably a year...or 1 AM at that.
2PM, 2AM ALL THE SAME.
I go to bed at 11 PM, and rarely wake up before 8 AM.

I look forward to the news, and must watch the weather.
I GET TO WATCH THE NEWS SOMETIMES.
I watch the news, only when John is in town.

I have gotten much curvier, and not in a bad way.
EVEN CURVIER, BUT HAVE PASSED THE "NOT IN A BAD WAY".
John thinks my body is perfect, and that is all that matters

My family has become my friends.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I still love my family

I am pretty now and not cute.
JOHN IS LUCKY TO SEE ME PRETTY ONCE A WEEK.
I am a beautiful Mother.

I think about my future more, and how to better myself for the future.
I STILL THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND HOW TO BETTER MY FAMILY.
I now plan for the future

Life is good. Bring on 26.
MY LIFE IS BLESSED. HOW OLD AM I AGAIN?
What a great year, perhaps another baby at 28...maybe 29.

15 Months (I'm a month behind)

You are my sweet, affectionate little boy. You give me kisses without being prompted. You are a snuggler, which Grandma Janet loves (not that Mommy's doesn't). You make anyone that comes in our home feel special with your sly little smile. You are a people person.
You are still a great sleeper. You sleep between 10-12 hours at night and take between 2-3 1/2 worth of naps during the day. Mommy is very thankful.
You make up for your down time when you are awake. Most days you are not a very independent player. You enjoy being around people and need their interaction.
You love bible class. You went to your teacher with open arms last Sunday and Mommy's heart swelled with pride. You are pick up on the songs quickly and really enjoy the singing.
Papa Joe is still YOUR Papa.
You are still 25% in height and 75% in weight. Just look at your Daddy and you are the opposite : )
You already have a sneaky, ornery side. You will take my phone or remote and run out of the room and hide. You push as many buttons as possible until you are found.
Words you say: YaYas pronounced very nasally which means Crackers, Papa, Mama, Dada, Dayton, Doggie, Jish (juice), tank too (thank you), Bibull (Bible), Meme (i have not idea what meme, or who meme is), Bro (Brock, his friend from Church), Nigh, nigh,.

Update

I've noticed when people haven't blogged for a while they always title the post "update". So, in following others steps, I title this, "Update". Because I am tired and do not want to forget anything I will do this blog bulleted style.

-School is out (and has been for awhile). I made a B in Microbiology and was somewhat disappointed, I really thought I was going to be able to pull off an A. I am through with all of my prerequisites and am now just waiting to be accepted to a nursing program. ( I guess I should apply, or I could be waiting forever.)

-I've been thinking about going to work part-time in the fall as a CNA, just to get my foot in the door, and to keep my skills up. So far, just a thought.

-Ben is still the cutest little boy. He is so funny. And very ornery. Very. He walks every where now, no crawling. Can I start potty training yet? New words--blankie, nigh-nigh!, Papa, keys, kisses, juice.

-They are doing major lay-offs at John's work, so that has really been on our minds.

-Oh, I saved $80 on groceries last week, my personal best.

I really thought I would have more than 5 bullets, now I feel somewhat silly for using it, oh well.

The Hair Catastrophe of '09

Last night while laying on the couch I found a small round brush. Apparently I was bored so I began twirling it in my hair. Until it got stuck. On the side you may ask? Or perhaps the back. No. Right in front. For thirty minutes I tried untwisting. I then added conditioner to the mix of things, then lotion to no avail. By this point my head was gushing blood from me trying to yank the brush out of my hair. Ok, maybe it wasn't gushing or bleeding at all, but it did hurt. I am pretty sure it is bruised today. While greasing my hair and considering putting mayo in my hair (then realizing I think that is when you get gum in your hair), a little pair of scissors catch my eye. I am desperate. I can feel panic over taking me. Or maybe it is anger due to my husbands uncontrollable laughter. Whatever then reason, I grab the scissors. I try to salvage as much hair as possible. It started at about a centimeter and I was able to get it to an inch. So instead of a burr in front, I have spikes. Go ahead get a good chuckle at my expense, my husband did or does, every time he sees me he starts laughing.

Failed...failed miserably.

Television is just way too tempting. Or maybe it was the weather. Perhaps it was my husband sitting on the couch watching TV and asking, "Hey, Amy, you want to watch this?" (He never asked this before I stopped watching.) I lasted from Thursday to Monday at 7:00 PM. Maybe somewhere that is considered a month. John told me not to consider it a failure, but a lesson learned. I must concur. Perhaps just monitoring what I watch would be a much more attainable goal for me. The television is not on during the day, except for Sesame Street. I had the bad habit of not actually watching TV, but keeping it on. And, I am not going to watch R rated movies and really monitor what types of TV shows I am watching. I really believe what goes in, must come out.
Finals are today, so what am I doing? Writing a blog. Should be studying, but I am not. Thats all, go ahead, snicker about my television defeat. I really should watch writing a blog that millions read (there is about a million of you..right?) about trying something new, especially, if there is a possibility of failure.

Cousin Abram came to stay and we had such a great time.

We played in the froggy pool and we loved to splash each other.

Cousin Abram showed me playing on the sandbox is just as much fun as playing in the sandbox.

We read books to each other.

Took wagon rides...note, two boys in a wagon is much heavier than one. I thought we may not make it up the hill.

and we took baths.

Television

I really enjoy my drives to class every Tuesday and Thursday. It is about 30 minutes of uninterrupted thought. Last Wednesday I couldn't sleep so I watched "18 Kids and Counting". It was about the Christian Film Festival in Texas. They go to support Christian movies and shows. They rarely ever watch secular television. I went to sleep and that was the end of that, until Thursday during my 30 minutes of uninterrupted thoughts. I was getting science minded for my class and I thought I want to do an experiment to see how giving up television for one month would effect me. (And a hush goes over the crowd...really? a whole month?) Some of things I would like to monitor are, my anxiety level, my body image, and overall mood. Upon coming home I told John about my plan and honestly, not much was said. That night we decided we were going to watch the new show SouthLand. Anyone seen it? They use every single cuss word in the book. The f-word, b-word...you get my point and its on NBC. Yes, they do bleep out the curse words, but seriously, you know exactly what they are saying. This must be a sign from God, right? I think about it in passing throughout the weekend, mention it to my Mom.."really? a whole month? that will be really hard.", then Sunday roles around. What is small group about? The effects of television. Are you kidding me? So, its done. Starting May 1, no television. With one stipulation, I can watch G or PG movies. When John is gone the evenings are really quiet and kind of scary. TV is usually my company on these nights.
Alright wish me luck. I have like 8 days to soak in as much TV as possible. Just kidding. Maybe.

Check out my Boots!

Busted!

Benjamin caught getting into Dayton's water.



"I swear Mommy, it wasn't me. It must have been Dayton."

Cabo

So, the trip was interesting. I missed Ben dearly, more than I could have imagined. But, I did have a great time with my husband and by myself. My days consisted of getting up with John around 7AM, eating breakfast together (slowly, without Ben eating everything off my plate, and adult conversation), John would leave for work, I would go change into my bathing suit, go down to the beach, come back and eat lunch, go take a nap, come back down and lay out by the pool. John would arrive back in time for a romantic dinner. The next day repeat. I also managed to get quite a bit of homework and studying done as well. It must have paid off, I made an A on my test.

We're Back!

I tanned yesterday. I haven't tanned in about two years. I have begun to think seriously about sun spots, premature aging, etc, etc. BUT, there is just something so glorious about laying in that casket getting radiated with those cancer causing beams of light. Its just so relaxing. John and I are going to Cabo in less than two weeks and I have to get somewhat of a base or I will fry. Yes, Cabo. John is "working" a tennis match there and in passing I told John I wanted to go too. EEK! Then the thought of leaving Benjamin overwhelmed every cell in my body. Benjamin hasn't stayed the night away from me or I, him. I cry about it. If I hear one more time that I am leaving him in good hands or he will be fine I may possibly scream. I know he will be fine, I know he will be in good hands, if I thought differently I wouldn't leave him. I feel like my job as a parent is to protect my son. If I am in another country, how can I protect him? I also have a fear people won't do what I ask. I know, even in typing it, it sounds controlling. He is my child though, and I do know what is best for him. And, of course the biggest fear is me dying and leaving Benjamin. I feel like I need to fill out a last will and testament before I leave, just in case. Then I realize what a crazy I look like. I just want what is best for Ben. OK, I can feel shortness of breath approaching, so I must change the subject.
The house. We are in. Unpacking is a much bigger job than I had anticipated. The kitchen was unpacked first. I love cooking in the kitchen. There is so much space. Every other room is half unpacked, just enough for it to be livable. Pictures will soon come, just as soon as I can get everything organized.
School is killing me right now. Microbiology is by far the hardest most time consuming class I have ever taken.
I am thinking of having Easter at my house this year, at least the Saturday before Easter. I will cook a Turkey or Ham, maybe both and everyone brings a side dish...interested? Also an egg hunt for the kids? I always loved Easter when I was little.
I hope everyone is doing well!

Dear Benjamin,

You are now my big one year old! You have enough personality and pazazz to fill a grown man's shoes. You know exactly what you want and when you want it and you will tell anyone who will listen. Stranger, spanger, if someone has food or something you may like, they are your new friend. We really need to work on this. You love people. I love to watch you interact with different people. You know exactly what you can get away with, with each different person. Papa Joe won't dare walk by if you give him a few alligator tears. Grandma wont let her poor grandson just sit in the kitchen with nothing to do, lets open the dishwasher so he can take everything out. Oh, No! You are already bored, let me carry you around while I vacuum. Grammy won't dare put you to sleep if you cry. The real water works come out then. You have everyone marching to your drum! You are very affectionate like your Daddy. Although you do have a little stinker in you. You gave me a big open mouth kiss on my cheek and then I could feel your little chompers trying to dig in. I was able to pull away just in time. You gave me a little ornery grin, like, "What Mama? I was just kissing you." You have a new friend at Church. I must say, this melts my heart. I could watch you and Brock interact all day long. Keep Christian friends Benjamin. You can be each others support.
Mama sees you doing great things with your life Benjamin. Always keep your eyes on God and I know he will lead you to greatness. You are special. You, my Sunshine, will always be special to me.

I will love you always,

Mama

Thimerosal

Last night in my Microbiology class we talked about autism and vaccines. The compound Thimerosal is put into vaccines as a preservative. Thimerosal contains mercury. In 1999 the FDA recommended Thimerosal not be used. Recommended is the key word. Not all vaccine manufacturers have stopped using it. As a parent you can ask your child's pediatrician if they use vaccines with Thimerosal. If they do, you can ask them to order some without it. You may have to pay for it, but I am sure for any parent its worth it.
We had a woman in class with an autistic son. She has five children and he is her fourth. The day after his vaccines he stopped talking and has since been diagnosed with autism. Why would one child be afflicted and not another? Answer, some people are genetically predisposed( this is not the word I want to use, but I have been sitting here for a few minutes trying to figure out what word I am thinking about, I've given up, so thats the word I am using.), meaning their genetic make-up makes them more susceptible.
Anyway, I thought I would share what I had learned in class. Hope everyone is doing well!

John Deere