Monday, March 31, 2008

Chunky Monkey

We went to the doctor today for a weight check and Mr. Benji is 8lbs even! That is about a pound in one week. I am doing about half formula and half breast milk now. I didn't realize how emotional it would be for me to stop breastfeeding, so I started breastfeeding again too. It makes for a busy day pumping, breastfeeding, freezing milk, preparing formula bottles, but its all worth it to me. Eventually I would like to breastfeed and pump only and stop the formula. For now I am just taking it one day at a time.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Its Like Night and Day

Today I started exclusively using the bottle AND doing a routine. I hate saying schedule, but basically thats what I tried to do and partially succeeded. We did Eat, Awake, Sleep, You (me) time. The acronym EASY, I got it off Baby Whisperer. Thank you for the introduction Audrey. I must say I have always thought I was against routine or scheduling, but I am not a good reader of cues. Every cue Benji gave me I thought he was telling me he was hungry. With a schedule I know what to expect AND with actually seeing how much he ate, I do not assume he is hungry 20 minutes later when he is sucking on his hand, I KNOW he just ate 3 oz. With Benji starting out sickly, I need that reassurance of actually seeing what he is getting. I feel like a new woman today. John and I actually had dinner together at a RESTAURANT with Benji. No problems, we went during his sleep time.
For all you pro breast feeders, I haven't stopped pumping, in fact I am pumping more than I have ever been able to (2-3 oz in 5 minutes). It is amazing what relaxing can do for you.
aaaaahhhhhh.........(thats me letting out a sigh of relief)

Thursday, March 27, 2008


I lost it today, lost it. I am so tired. My body hurts. My brain is no longer functioning. I either have postpartum depression or I am just stressed to the absolute max. I cried the majority of the day. Benji didn't sleep during the day. We went on a walk, sat outside and enjoyed the weather, sang songs, but those little peepers would not close. To make it worse he wouldn't eat either, at least not from me. And to top it off John is out of town for the first time since he has been born.
So after a tearful call to my momma, I decided to quit breastfeeding. It felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy breastfeeding but I know my limits. I can handle no more stress. I thought I would feel guilty and maybe a part of me does, but I think Benji would prefer a happy momma. So there you have it. Do I feel like a quitter? Nah. I made a decision that is best for me and Benji. I love my son.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Benji loves his Elmo. I think it is because his eyes are as big and beautiful as his.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Little Update

I went for my 6 week postpartum appointment today and everything is good. I am actually 4lbs away from being at my pre-pregnancy weight. I sure don't feel like it though!
I decided to go by Benjamin's doctor on my home to weigh him. I just couldn't wait until Thursday. He had gained some weight, but only 2 oz. I tried so hard not to cry, but I did. The poor nurse didn't know what to do. So she went and got the doctor. I told him I would like to start supplementing. He was against it, but understood. So I am only supplementing twice a day and only 1-3 ounces and only after I breast feed. I had him check his head to see if it had gotten any bigger and it had which it good. This means he does not have failure to thrive. His blood work it due to be back tomorrow, this will rule out rare diseases that could be causing him not to gain weight. John gets to feed Benjamin tonight for the first time and he is so excited, that's one good thing about us supplementing.
I hope everyone is having a good week!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Another trip to the lab...

I get a phone call today from a number I didn't recognize so I let it go to voicemail. I listen to it and it is Benjamin's doctor asking me to call him back on his cell phone. I have come to realize when a doctor calls himself, on his own cell phone, it isn't usually good news. He said he began to get concerned last night and consulted another colleage of his who specializes in "sick babies". He has decided he wants Benajmin to come into the lab today to have more blood drawn. I would rather have a needle stuck in my eye than to have Benjamin have more blood drawn. We go to the lab. I am much pushier this time than last. I let them know I need a hot pack for his foot and I want it to stay on longer than just a few minutes. One prick of the foot...squeeze for 2 hours (not really that long, but it felt like it). Phlebotomist: "That wasn't a good prick, I will have try again." I barely refrain from grabbing a needle and jabbing it in her foot repeatedly. Seriously, you see a little baby come in, at least get the best phlebotomist to draw blood. The second stick was good.
His bilirubin came back slightly elevated over normal, a 7, which is fine, 1-6 is considered in normal range. His other test will come back sometime next week. I posted on the issues Benjamin has been having and I received a very encouraging post back. This lady had been having the no weight gain issue and she figured out she had a lot of foremilk (lowfat) and the baby wasn't getting enough hindmilk (high fat, high calorie). So she gave me a few ideas to try. I really feel like this could fix it. So pray, pray, pray for hindmilk consumption.
I am feeling better since the last post. Thanks for the prayers and comments.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


I just feel so defeated and like I am failing at the very basics of being a mother. We went back to the pediatrician and Benjamin has gained nothing. NOTHING, not even an ounce. He is not even back up to his birth weight and he will be 6 weeks next Tuesday. My milk is definetly in, he eats every 2-3 hours with an occasional 4 hour span through the night, he has normal wet and bowel movement diapers, developmentally he is right on target and is even a little ahead (he started rolling over at 4 weeks). The doctor is not worried, yet. We go back in 10 days to check to see if he has gained any weight, if not we will start running test then. One part of me wants to quit breastfeeding, another part of me knows that my milk is the best thing for Benjamin, another part of me wants to tell the doctor to run test now and not wait. The biggest part of me wants to just curl up and cry. I just don't know what to do. Keep Benjamin in your prayers. Maybe me too, for my sanity.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Family Picture Time!!

We had our first family pictures taken. It went much smoother than I thought it would, but it was exhausting.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Abram Derrick

Benjamin and I had the pleasure of being there for the birth of his new cousin Abram, also known as Lusty Boy #3, also known as Tank. I will let Jenny give everyone details, but it was quite the birth.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

1 Month Old

No, he's not suprised in the second picture, he just has big, beautiful eyes : ) It feels likes longer than a month and also just like yesterday when I found out I was pregnant. I love my son, I love my husband. I am so thankful for the life God has blessed me with.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Little Dimple

Yes, I sat with the camera pointed at Benjamin for 30 minutes to get a picture of him smiling, but I got it. What else do I have to do?