The diagnosis

Nothing physically has changed since my last blog. My vision is the same. Since my last post, I have been to the rheumatologist and had more blood work drawn. My first diagnosis is Raynauds. My great grandmother was also diagnosed with this. This is a circulatory disease that affects the circulation to the fingers, toes and nose. No fatal complications just be aware of cold temperatures and protect my fingers and toes; you are at higher risk of getting frost bite. The second diagnosis is connective tissue disease. This is the biggy and this is what is affecting my eye. My CRP (inflammation rate in your body) was significantly high at 4.5. My rheumatologist wants me to go on an immunosupressant drug, but I am quite leary of going on any immunosupressant medication. There are tons of horrible side effects including cancer. I am going to try a more holistic/naturopathic approach while I am healthy, young and not having any debilitating effects from this disease.
There has been some cases where a patient has had a flare up goes into remission and never has another symptom ever again. This is my prayer.







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Ben had asked if he could go to the bathroom outside. I said yes. I totally misunderstood what bathroom meant.

Days 23-26

Not a lot has changed. I was able to get contacts which does improve my vision in my eye. The rheumatologist's office called and set me up an appointment for April 4. Nice to know they are not in a hurry. I have driven myself crazy going back in forth feeling the need to educate myself on every autoimmune disease, just in case that's the one, then not wanting to read anything and bury my head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong. Both have their drawbacks and both have their benefits.
John and I had two lunch dates this past week. It was really nice. John also had his review at work and his boss had incredible things to say about him. Of course I think the world of him, but to hear someone else thinks he is great too, is awesome. Ben has had his moments being the three year old he is, but he has been extremely affectionate and loving towards me.

Day 22

I called the doctor today on my way to clinicals. His nurse gave me my lab results, a positive ANA. I have an autoimmune disease. I'm being referred to a rheumatologist. I was unaware rhematologist specialize in autoimmune diseases other than rheumatoid arthritist. It took a while for the news of the positive test result to sink in, which I was thankful for. I really didn't want to be a blubbering mess at clinicals. When I called my mom to tell her, she thought this had to do with AIDS. So for my non medical friends, I do not have AIDS. Autoimmune means your body is mistaking itself as an invader and attacking itself. Its overactive, AIDS in underactive. There are hundreds of autoimmune disease some mild some very serious. I would assume I do not have a genetic autoimmune disease like ALS, since there is no evidence of this in my family. I have already tested negative for RA.
My biggest fear is that I will not be able to have any more children or continue school.

Day 21

Today started my OB/GYN rotation and I am thrilled! I loved lecture today and am excited about starting clinicals tomorrow. I received a message today from my primary care doctor's nurse informing me my lab results are back. Now I have to wait all night to find out what the results are.

Day 20

I'm having a really hard day. I'm frustrated and exhausted. Everything takes more time, everything is harder. Its little things. I can't see my left armpit to shave. I can't see my right eye to put make-up on it, in order to drive I have to turn my head constantly, etc. I think if I knew these things were for a limited time or I had a time line on when things would be back to normal, I could do it without any complaints. Its the not knowing and the looming fear of not knowing exactly whats going on. Is it something serious? I think what is making it especially hard for me today is seeing how it is affecting my school work. I'm spending more time on my work and my grades are lower. It just stinks and my attitude stinks.
On an upside I have the sweetest most compassionate little boy. He really is special. John's not too bad either : ) He offered to shave my under arm for me and put make-up on my eye. Maybe I'll take him up on the offer for some comedy relief.

Day 18 & 19

My eye has been the same the last two days. I am hopeful that the swelling will continue to decrease. I should get my blood work results back tomorrow or the next day and I am anxiously waiting.
Good news, I start my OB clinicals and classes this week. I'm pretty excited!

Day 17

Today I had two doctors appointments one with my primary care doctor and an appoitment with my eye doctor. At the first appointment the doctor said overall I look good, but he wanted to have some blood work drawn. I should get the results back Monday or Tuesday. I got good news at the retina specialist, the inflamation on my optic nerve has decreased and he believes with the right lenses he will be able to get my vision to 20/25. The spot hasn't gone away in my eye and I am hoping once all the inflamation is gone it will also be gone. Only time will tell. My next appointment isn't until 3 weeks. Its always a good sign when your doctor appointments are further apart.

Day 16

With everything going on, one of the biggest blessings is I have had to slow down. Slowing down equals more time to spend with Ben.
Today I had a test to take then I went to see the Indian doctor in Sapulpa (I'm not for exactly what her title is, I've teetered between Medicine man and Indian doctor). She uses eyeology to see what your body is missing and what areas should be focused on. In doing this she recommends what you should or should not be consume, whether it be food or vitamins. I am a fan of alternative medicine, not by itself but in compliment with modern medicine. She looks into your eyes and identifies your issues. There is an actual science behind and some day I plan on doing some research on it. Her main concerns with me were, my lymphatic system, my thyoid and parathyroid, and my circulatory system. She was right on, on a few things she spoke of, it was really interesting. She asked me to come back and see her in 6-8 weeks. Might I add, she does this for no charge, so its not a gimic. Tomorrow I have my appointment with my primary care doctor and retina specialist.

Day 15

Yesterday I had to take Ben to the doctor, poor guy had an ear infection. Its interesting how quickly I forgot about my medical issues when something was wrong with my baby. At 6:30 I jumped in the car to go pick up Ben's medicine. When I left the pharmacy I realized it was dark outside. In the dark I can barely see anything out of my left eye. Luckily all the streets were very well lit. I made it home safely. Although turning into the driveway was a bit tricky.

Side note, no change in my vision.

Day 14

Its been two weeks. Someone asked me if I get sick of people asking me about my eye. When people stop asking, is when I will be concerned. I've decided to go and see the Indian doctor in Sapulpa. I believe in alternative medicine, but as complimentary to modern medicince. I curious as to what she will say. I've been worrying less about my eye and its become more of a frustration. Everything takes more time.
Its hard to complain about any of this after spending the day with hospice patients.

Day 13

My eye is the same. I have noticed I am able to compensate better. If I am reading if I move my book just to the right of my center vision, I am able to see it better. I made an appointment with a primary care physician to have some blood work drawn and just to hear a physcians ideas whose specialty isn't the eye. I am hoping this will give me some peace of mind and some confirmation that this is localized to my eye.

Day 12

Today was Church and it is so comforting to know so many people are praying for me. I talked to my sister Jenny today and I told her I was worried I may have Multiple Sclerosis. She laughed. A BIG HARDY LAUGH. It made me laugh. It may not be how most people respond, but I needed it.

Day 11

I made the mistake of looking into what can cause inflammation of the optice nerve. 28% of MS patient's first symptom is optic nerve inflammation. I stopped reading after that and left it at that. I spent the rest of the day writing my careplan for my patient with lung cancer.

Day 10

Passed my test and the class, this was my final. I love 8 week classes. My vision is the same. I saw the doctor and he noticed the spots around my membranes and capillaries were going away, but my optic nerve is still inflamed. If I get my vision back he estimates it will be between 3-4 weeks. There is a potential for my optic nerve to have scarring on it, if that's the case, my vision would not come back and will not be able to be fixed.. He does not seem too concerned with why there's inflammation, just that it is an autoimmune response which generally occurs post virus. The vision that I still have in the left eye has lost acuity.

Day 9

Its the same. I see the doctor tomorrow and am hoping he sees something different. I have a test in my quality of life class on Friday so today will be spent studying. EVERYTHING takes me twice as long as it use to and it is so frustrating. Ben's valentine's party is today. He was so excited to see me and gave me tons of kisses and hugs. I was so glad I was able to be there.

Day 8

Its the same. Every morning I lay in bed not wanting to open my eyes. With that first gleam of light I hope and pray everything will be back to normal. But each morning its the same. I remember in junior high a girl called me a hypochondriac. For some reason that insult has stuck with me. Any time since then I talk about anything to do with my own health I wonder, do they think I'm overreacting? This is the first time I have thought, I hope I am a hypochondriac.

Day 7

Its been one week. My vision hasn't changed since Sunday, which is good and bad, its not worse, but not better. I have clinicals today at Cancer Care. I've noticed I'm really unsure of where I am and am constantly turning to the left. I think I'm paranoid I'm going to bump into something or someone. Its really a strange feeling.

Day 6

I get a call from Chesley to set me up for an appointment. I'm able to get in first thing in the morning so I only have to miss one class. Unfortunately I will be dilated for my second class in which I will be giving a presentation. The doctor said my eyes looked the same. Now it is just watch and wait. He will be out of the office until Friday and he wants to see me them. If I get worse or have any new symptoms to call Dr. such and such. He is aware of my case. My case? Although I find it comforting to know he is consulting other physicians, it also reminds me of the seriousness and uncertainty. My presentation went great. I called Hayley to see if she could give me a ride home from school. I feel like a child having to call and ask people for rides. I know its inconvenient.

Day 5

My vision is the same, no better no worse. I find it heartbreaking to be on the prayer list at Church, thats for people in need and the people who are sick. I hate when people ask me about my eye and I see the fear and concern in their voice and their facial expressions. I go from making jokes about it in front of people and crying uncontrollably when no one is around. I take care of people. I'm scared. Its the unknown, not having a definitive diagnosis. Not knowing my prognosis.