As an assignment I had to write a reflective essay of time I spent at an adult day care center. I wanted to share with an exert from my paper.

"As I sat surrounded by the mentally challenged adults I started watching each one, trying to diagnose each. She has Down syndrome, he must have some type of autism, she seems to have a mild retardation and then a small-framed girl caught my eye. She sat quietly with a plastic something in her hand. She did not speak nor did she make eye contact. She sucked her thumb. The fact that she sucks her thumb may mean nothing to someone else, but when I saw her sucking her thumb I could feel the tears building up in my eyes. My son, Benjamin sucks his thumb. This is not just a mentally handicapped girl, this is someone else’s baby; this is someone else’s Benjamin.
The rest of the day is somewhat of a blur. I spent time speaking with the older adults who needed some assistance and also spent time with the elderly with advanced Alzheimer’s. Nothing compared to the moment I had when I looked at the girl who was sucking her thumb. I will not be nursing clients; I will be caring for someone else’s Benjamin."

EEK! I can see a light at the end of the tunnel...

I can't believe I only have 5 weeks left of school. Right now I am studying for my medications administration competency. My client happens to be on over 30 medications. Before I can give him any of his meds I have to know safe dosage, possible side effects, any special precautions, and of course what the medication does. I should have said have memorized instead of just knowing. In two weeks I preform my head to toe competency, which I am pretty nervous about. Everything is just so much memorization. I have two written tests left and of course my final. Other than those few things, I am home free! Until next semester.

Ben woke me up Monday morning at 1:00am to tell me he had a booboo in his ear. We scheduled an appointment to find out its not an ear infection, but that he has pressure in his ear from his forever long cold. Treatment: chew gum. That makes for one happy little boy!

Back to life, back to reality...

I can't remember who sings that song. Anyway, back to school tomorrow. The first few days out of school I really missed it, but that wore off quickly. My spring break consisted of:

-Ben's cousin Abram came and stayed with him Sunday.
-Monday we drove down to Blanchard to see my new niece and do what I could to help
my sister out around her house.
-Tuesday we drove back home in the afternoon and went to bed really early!
-Wednesday I went and got a hot rock pedicure (a gift from John) and went shopping! I really like to shop, but I must admit after having Ben shopping just isn't the same. Buying for myself isn't as enjoyable and my "Mom body" is sometimes hard to find clothes to fit. I did find John some new jeans, never an easy task, 36x36 are hard to find, and I was able to find some large tall shirts. I of course had to buy some new clothes for Ben too!
-Thursday we stayed at home. John grilled a pork loin and I cooked a potato casserole and green beans. It was delicious!
-Friday I took Ben to get his haircut, made a quick run to Walmart for Easter basket items, and headed off to John's work to meet him for lunch. From there I went to the eye doctor and Ben and John went to the park to enjoy the great weather. After the eye doc, I went to my hair appointment. The lady washed, cut, dried and styled my hair in 25 minutes. It was incredible. It usually takes over an hour.
-Saturday John left for Houston and the snow began. Snow is torture when you have a toddler. You feel like a prisoner.
I was able to squeeze in homework here and there, but really do not feel prepared for school to start. I did enjoy my break!

Cousin Abram

Ben's cousin Abram got to come down for a visit after my sister had her baby. I love watching he and Ben interact with each other. They really are friends. They play really well with each other and it almost seems easier to have two. ALMOST. Bath time, eating, and bedtime is double hard. Each day Ben ask at least once a day, "Where's Abram?"

Before and After

John and I decided to grow Ben's hair out, just to see what it looks like long. He has two crowns so if his hair is too short it looks like horns, so we would have to style it spikey daily or risk letting our child look like he has devil horns. The boy, not only has a lot of hair, it also has a lot of body. Its really great hair, but pretty high maintenance (I'll have a girl next who will be bald until she's ten). Friday morning he got up and he looked a little too much like Rod Stewart, so I thought it was time for a trim.

Ben's Quotes for the Week

"Momma, its time to pray to Jesus."

"Mom, I hold baby Jesus."

When our youth minister at church was taking in front of the church, "Mom, its Jesus!"

(He's really on a Jesus kick right now.)

While at Wal-Mart to a complete stranger, "HI! I'M POOPING!" Ben is so articulate it is impossibe to deny what he says.

Now that he has been moved to his big boy bed, he really know how to work his Momma. Each night that I have laid hime down he says, "Mom, one more kiss." "Momma, I need a kiss." "Oh, hug." "One more kiss." This last a few minutes. Seriously how can you turn down a kiss.

What, I have a blog, two blogs?

Ok, I am horrible about updating and attempting to do two blogs is just crazy. Now I not only get to neglect one blog, I have another to neglect too. So, I quit blog number two.
Benjamin update: He is a spirited little boy with a mouth that never stops. I have never heard someone talk so much. It is like he narrates his every move along with the entire populations every breath. We went to his two year well check up last week, one of my questions for the doctor if there is a way to teach a two year old how to be quiet. I really just want moments of quietness. I love his little personality and do appreciate how well and how much he talks, but seriously, my ears feel like they are bleeding at the end of the day. Oh, what did the doctor say? Nothing. He just laughed.
School update: Its hard, but I love it. We've had about 20 people drop the program so far. They say by the end of the program only half the class graduates. Clinicals are always strange to me. I almost feel like I am just pretending to be a nurse. I passed my Pharmacology/Dosage class with an A. It has been the easiest and I thought it would be the hardest. Still, very glad its over.
My sister had her baby yesterday. It was the smoothest delivery I have ever seen. I've only seen 2 others, but still, it was smooth. She was so small compared to Jenny's boys. She weighed almost 3 lbs less than Jenny's last baby. She looks like a little baby doll. Tons of jet black hair and long. It goes down her neck and over her ears. She has little facial features and beautiful skin. What? Me? A proud aunt? I miss her already.

New blog..

As promised I started a new blog to record my adventures fo nursing school. The address is www.theadventuresofanursetobe.blogspot.com.

I'm horrible...

I am horrible at updating my blog. My life is either really boring and I have nothing to write about or my life is so full and hectic I have no time. I will let you pick which one.
One week down and only one to go until John gets home. I have been attempting to stay busy with house projects and preparing for school. Speaking of school, I am going to start a new blog (since I am so good at keeping up with this one). I am planning on writing about my nursing school expirience. From what I have been told it is emotionally very challenging. I thought writing about the stresses and emotional tolls would be very therapeutic.
Now on to Benjamin. Oh, he is a handful. His humor saves his hinny most of the time. No, he really is a good boy, most of the time. But as John says, "he has a little stink in him." I put him to sleep around 8:30 last night and went to check on him at 9:30. I quietly crept into his room making my way to his crib, I see eyes at eye level with me, then I hear, "Hi Mom." Standing in his bed is little Ben. He is like a vampire, he'd much rather sleep all day and stay up all night. So the second time I put him down for the night, I asked (mistakingly asked, instead of telling) "you ready for bed?" Ben's response, "NO WAY MOMMY!" No way is so much funnier when he says it to John.

Happy Halloween

For Halloween, we started out going to our Church for games, jupiter jump, and of course CANDY! Ben enjoyed it much more than I thought he would and actually played two of the games. We came home, enjoyed our half-priced hamburgers from Sonic and Ben enjoyed his 50 cent corn-dog. I remembered going to Sonic on Halloween when I was little and getting the hot dog and ice cream cone. Isn't that a strange thing to remember? I loved Halloween. John said we had to wait until dark to take him trick-or-treating, so we didn't leave until 7:00. We couldn't decide if we both would go or John would just take him so I could hand our candy to the trick or treaters at our house. I looked up and down our street and saw no kids, so I decided to go with them. I am so glad I did. Ben did so good! I thought he would be too scared to walk up to people's houses he didn't no. I thought wrong. He was somewhat hesitant with the first house, but once he realized each house was going to give him candy, there was no hesitation. He would go right up to the door, John would ring the door bell and if they didn't answer quick enough, Ben would give a few knocks to speed the process up. He had no problem dipping his pudgy little fingers into the candy bowls and putting it in his little pumpkin. And each time he said "Tank YOU!" (Very proud Mommy moment.)
Much to John and I's disappointment we had no trick-or-treaters. In fact we were told at each house we went to that we were the only trick or treaters in the neighborhood. Good thing I bought 5 bags of candy!
All in all we had a really good time. I imagine as our children get older the more fun it will be!

My first go around at college I royally screwed up. I had an academic/leadership scholarship and a vocal music scholarship to Oklahoma Christian University. After a year there, I decided I didn't want to go there for one reason or another. So, I went to UCO. I went there for a year and half and got credit for one class, I flunked the rest. Ugh, it makes me sick to think about it still. Waste of money and waste of time. I just didn't go to class, literally. I didn't go at all and also didn't bother to drop the class. A choice I am still reaping the consequences for.
When John and I got married we talked about me going back to school. I really wanted to have a degree to fall back on, in case anything was to ever happen to John or his job security. So, before we had any children I was going to get a degree. Nope. My favorite surprise changed these plans. When I started back to school I had a 0.8 GPA. Yikes! I can't believe I just put that in there for everyone to see! It was very humbling to start college the first time with an academic scholarship to being put on academic probation for the second go around. There has always been a part of me that has wanted to be a nurse. I like taking care of people, but to be honest, I didn't think I was smart enough to pass the science classes. English/History has always been easy for me, I rarely ever studied for these classes, but Science has always been my most challenging. The B's I received in my science classes have been so much more rewarding than my A's in my english classes. I earned those B's. I worked hard and trained my brain in a different type of learning.
I did it. I was excepted into the nursing program for the Spring of 2010. I raised my GPA to a 2.35, which I am still embarrassed to tell people. I had to write a letter of exception since my GPA was still too low for the program and I found out in September that my exception was accepted.
It has been a long road and to be honest I had no idea I had the perseverance in me.

A few pictures of Destani and Matt's wedding...

and a few more..

Potpourri

Wow, its been awhile. Reasons: Computers down, wedding, ten year reunion planning, time, didn't want to.

John's brother Matt got married two weekends ago at John's parents farm...outside. It poured. I felt so sorry for Destani. But Destani and Matt were troopers and made the best of the rainy day. Shortly after the ceremony Destani changed into her rain boots and jeans and Matt changed into his boots and Coors t-shirt. Unfortunately for me, I missed most of the fun due to throwing out my back. I did make it to the ceremony and the rehearsal. Ben was the ring bearer and I just couldn't miss it. During rehearsal he did fabulous! He walked straight to John (he was the best man). The day of the wedding, not so much. He refused to walk down the aisle. I tried hobbling next to him halfway then let go of his hand. Success! He began walking to John, then stopped and decided he was going to eat his treat I had gave him right in the middle of the aisle. Much to my low grumbles, pointing, polite smile, then serious face. He would not move his little pudgy feet. So I have to go back out there grab his hand and pull him out of the aisle. Lucky for me my parents were there to rush over and get him so I could enjoy the wedding. Overall the wedding was a success, despite the rain.

So, my back. On the way to the farm for the rehearsal I turned around to give Ben his cup and POW! gasp, sharp pain in my back, I think that possibly I have another kidney stone...no. As the night progresses the worse it gets. I wake up Saturday morning and can't move, literally. I feel so sorry for people with chronic back pain. WIth the help of muscle relaxers and Aleve, I made it until Monday, until I could see the miracle worker Dr Hays. I always thought chiropractor were kind of a joke, but I am a BELIEVER now.

I found out the my exception letter was accepted by the nursing program at TCC and I will find out mid October if I am accepted in the spring program.

Now on to Benny Boy. He has a new "thing", his hat. (Pronounced "At") His likes to wear it around, likes John and I to wear it and today attempted for Dayton to wear his "at". He talks none stop. No one really gets it until they are around him. He chatters at all times. He repeats everything I say, even my tone. (not always so funny). Some funny things he has said: When he saw his scrambled eggs for breakfast, "HI eggs!" Dayton was in the way, "Esuse me". I sneeze, "Bess you". We say our prayers, "aMEN". During bath time, "Pe-is". When he wakes up from a nap, "mama, mama...MAMA, MAMA, MOM!" No response from Mommy, "daddy, daddy, DADDY, DA!" He is quite the character.

Everything is going well and I hope everyone else is doing well too!

18 Months

The last few months have been challenging. You test your boundaries minute by minute. I would say the last few weeks have been harder than having a newborn. I tell you no and you look at me with your big blue innocent eyes and give me a look that speaks loud and clear, "You wanna bet Momma." Unfortunately for you your Momma has the same big blue eyes, my look back to you speaks just as loud, "Just try me little man." AND, you do try me. Not just once, usually several times. It is exhausting. My love for you is what keeps me from wavering.
You are quite the little character. When grocery shopping you stand in the back and wave at everyone like you are in a parade. You wink. You have started singing (be still my heart). Dayton is your best friend and you are Dayton's nemesis. You like to sit on him, poke at his eyes, take his food, throw his ball, and repeatedly run your trucks in him. I just can't figure out why he doesn't like you.
We had pictures taken this last week and I was so nervous. Any mother with a toddler, I am sure can understand. You just never know what to expect. Jenny Collier did an awesome job. The session was so laid back. You must check out the sneak preview and slide show at http://jennycollierphotography.com/blog. I highly recommend Jenny. Once I got over my anxiety, it was a lot of fun. Thanks Jenny!

The Many "No's" I Say Everyday

No Ben, stay still so Mommy can change your diaper (about 6 times a day).
No, do not throw food.
No Ben...do not sit on Dayton.
No, do not run your truck into Dayton.
No, do not take the lid off your cup.
No, sit on your bottom.
No Ben, you only flush the potty if you use the potty.
No, we do not eat rocks, dirt or grass.
No, do not play in Dayton's water.
NO! DO NOT eat Dayton's food.
Yes, those are Dayton's eyes, but we do not poke them.
No, we do not put toys in the potty.
No, we do not put our hands in the potty either.
No, we do not take my cup off the table and pour it on the ground and play in it.
No. Stop picking your nose.
No, do not pinch.
No, get out of the refrigerator.
No, stop opening the oven.
No, do not take the remote and run, pushing buttons Mommy does not know how to reverse.
No, get off the hearth.
No, you do not have to pull the food out of your mouth to take a drink, just finish chewing then take a drink.
No, we do not stand on the kitchen chairs.
NO! DO NOT stand on the table. (This is new as of today)
Yes, Mommy loves you.

Ben got a new hat and swim lessons!

I look like a Mom who has had ten cups of coffee before swim lessons. Apparently I am SUPER excited to be at swim lessons.

My Prayer for You

My weight or body image has always been an issue for me, I would say since about third grade. My weight naturally fluctuates. I have unnaturally made my weight fluctuate with the atkins diet, weight watchers, some soup diet courtesy of my sister, writing down every morsel that enters my body, I tried diet pills for one day (thought I might die from the jitters), not eating, etc. ect. John is one of the most complimentary people I know and I know his compliments are sincere. I was complaining one (of multiple times) about my body and he said, "I love your body." Thats what he is suppose to say and I didn't think much about it. Later, when analyzing the conversation (because that is what I do, I'm an analyser) I thought, I wish I saw my body the way John sees it. Then in deeper thought, I wondered how God saw my body. In my evening prayers I began praying for God to show me the way He sees me.
This is what God has shown me. I am a good mother who spends much more time on my child than on myself. My stretch marks are a sacrifice I made to have Ben. I would have stretch marks on my face if I had to to have a child. I am soft for my child to lay on. God made me a nurturer. I would much rather people see me as kind, someone who takes time for other people, someone who sacrifices for the ones I love, a Christian, a good mother, a good wife, someone who is compassionate, than the girl with the good body. I do not want my legacy to be my appearance.
My prayer for all the women in my life is that they start seeing themselves as God sees them.

Happy Anniversary

We married July 1, 2006. It was HOT! The wedding went without a hitch as did the reception. Surprisingly, we didn't lose anyone to a heat stroke. Our big wedding night was spent at home eating Taco Bueno and opening presents. It could not have been more perfect or more fitting for our relationship. We do not need bells and whistles, we are the bells and whistles. I never thought I could love you more than what I did on our wedding day, but I do. I love you.


Our first baby arrived February 12, 2008. I am still sorry for telling you I was pregnant over the phone. Maybe with the next I will tell you in a blog. Not today though. Take a deep breath. Having you as my birthing coach was hilarious. I don't know if I had every seen you so serious before. I wonder if any other woman in labor has ever stopped mid push to start laughing. That day my love for you changed, it matured. I had this little miracle that you and I had made that would connect us for the rest of our lives. I love you.


Three years. It seems like yesterday you proposed to me after my famous pre-proposal words, "I think this is the worst diarrhea I have ever had." Those words set our whole marriage. You are so kind to everyone, a wonderful father, a bigger than words husband to me, a great provider, a phenomenal friend. I love you...even more than mayonnaise. Thank you for choosing ME to be your wife.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Below is my blog from two years ago, right before I turned 26, in CAPS LOCK is my blog from one year ago when I turned 27, and in italics is for this year, the big 2-8.


I see you 26
YOU ARE ALREADY HERE 27?
28, 29, 30...does it really matter?

I am turning 26 this Sunday. I have never really thought about age before or getting older, until this year.
I TURNED 27 TODAY. I HAVE REVERTED BACK TO NOT THINKING ABOUT AGE ANYMORE, THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME.
I still do not think about how old I am, now I think about how old my son is.

A few things I have noticed:

I wear clothes for comfort now.
I WEAR CLOTHES JUST TO COVER MY BARE SKIN.
I wear Mom clothes. Big underwear (I can't even call them panties).

Elastic and I have become quite close.
ELASTIC HAS NOW BECOME EMBEDDED INTO MY SKIN.
I wear SPANX, so the elastic doesn't become embedded in my skin.

Once upon a time high heel shoes didn't hurt my feet.
ONCE UPON A TIME I WORE SHOES EVERYDAY...THAT MATCHED.
My feet have grown a size and a half, or I have realized, I am not really a 7.5.

I worry about my health and heart disease.
I WORRY ABOUT MY SON AND HAVE LITTLE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF.
I am striving to live a healthy life so I can enjoy my grandchildren.

I read the contents in my food, ecpecially the fiber section.
I STILL READ THE CONTENTS OF MY FOOD AND MUST GET FIBER DAILY.
Only water soluble fiber

I take much more time and money on my skin.
I USE BABY SOAP AND BABY LOTION ON MY FACE.
I love clinique, my skin has never looked better

I tan much less and wear sunscreen and sometimes sunblock.
I HAVE NO TIME TO TAN.
I always wear sunscreen.

Bars seem really loud.
ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I HAVE GONE TO A BAR AND I DO NOT SEE GOING IN THE NEAR FUTURE OR EVEN THE DESIRE TO GO.
I go to Church now.

I get in my pajamas much earlier now.
I NEVER GET OUT OF MY PAJAMAS.
I get out of my PJ's during Ben's first nap.

I haven't seen 2 AM, in probably a year...or 1 AM at that.
2PM, 2AM ALL THE SAME.
I go to bed at 11 PM, and rarely wake up before 8 AM.

I look forward to the news, and must watch the weather.
I GET TO WATCH THE NEWS SOMETIMES.
I watch the news, only when John is in town.

I have gotten much curvier, and not in a bad way.
EVEN CURVIER, BUT HAVE PASSED THE "NOT IN A BAD WAY".
John thinks my body is perfect, and that is all that matters

My family has become my friends.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
I still love my family

I am pretty now and not cute.
JOHN IS LUCKY TO SEE ME PRETTY ONCE A WEEK.
I am a beautiful Mother.

I think about my future more, and how to better myself for the future.
I STILL THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND HOW TO BETTER MY FAMILY.
I now plan for the future

Life is good. Bring on 26.
MY LIFE IS BLESSED. HOW OLD AM I AGAIN?
What a great year, perhaps another baby at 28...maybe 29.