Rolling

ONE

TWO

THREE!

I left out step 2 1/2, a little nudge from Mommy to help him over.

Freeze!

Freeze! Put your hands in the air!

One Slow Weekend

This weekend was the first weekend John has been home in May. He leaves again Thursday for three days, comes back one day and leaves again for six days. To the disapproval of both sets of parents we decided not to go to the lake with the LeMasters or Richardsons. We decided to stay at home and do nothing. It was nice. Saturday morning we got up, ate breakfast, and walked around our neighborhood and looked at all the garage sales. Sunday we got up and went to church, got a pizza to go, took a nap, and then went to my sister Marla's for a cookout. We both enjoyed the nice relaxing weekend, but decided next year we will go to the lake.

Family Reunion

My favorite outings growing up were going to family reunions at the lake. I know, I know, I must have been one deprived child. I have so many fond memories of camping. Sitting by the camp fire hearing stories, getting hit in the face with a frying pan by my uncle, watching my dad and uncle running with an aluminum boat over their heads during a lightning storm, being attacked by fire ants and running down the hill yelling for help and my brother just laughing, fist fights, being stuck in the pop up listening to books on tapes while the adults were obviously having a much better time outside, almost drowning in our camper, almost being punched in the face by my dad while sleep walking...
I could go on for hours. I want my son to have fond memories of camping too. Our family is getting bigger it seems by the minute and I think it is time to start our own family reunion. What?!? Why, you may ask, we see each other all the time. And yes, we do have family get togethers, but no over nighters and THAT is when you create lasting memories. When? Where? Those questions I do not have the answer to and would like to hear some input. Of course we would need a family, kid friendly place to go, preferably not too far away or too close. Of course it should be during the summer. So, comment away.

Waiting

Waiting for a special lady to put that arm around.

Frustration

Benjamin has had diarrhea since Monday and has slept horribly. I am tired. I get home today, walk in the house and it smells like something has died. I go into Ben's room and see doggie diarrhea on the floor. Dayton has not had an accident in over 2 and half years. He is a hundred pound dog and has quite the output. Back to Ben, he is gassy and it interrupts his naps. I switched formula, which to be honest wasn't thrilled to do. The main ingredient in this formula is corn syrup, but it did seem to make a difference, but now it seems everything is back the same. I would prefer to go back to exclusively breast feeding, but I am scared he will stop gaining weight, plus its nice to have some freedom. I am calling the doctor tomorrow for some words of advise.
Ben really is a good, happy little boy. He does cry and fuss quite a bit, but I would too if I was that gassy and wasn't getting enough sleep. To top it off he spits up all the time and large quantities. It's projectile. I am frustrated, not at him, but just the situation. My poor baby boy seems to have one issue after another. I want to be a super mom and swoop in and fix everything, unfortunately I can't find my cape. Any advise is appreciated, prayers are appreciated even more.

3 Months

I can not believe that Benjamin is already 3 months old. Everyday he changes. He slept through the night for the first time on Friday, then Saturday, then Sunday, THEN Monday he woke up every 3 hours. At least I got three good nights. He talks all the time, ALL the time. When he is not talking, he is fussing or crying. His vocal cords stay warm all day long. He is quite social, a flirt..he loves the ladies.
His likes: Bath time, his hippo, Elmo, his mobile, to talk to Mommy and Daddy actually, anyone that will listen and most importantly respond, eating, his changing table, laying in bed with Mommy in the morning.
Dislikes: Being ignored, riding in the car (sometimes), nap time, being startled, stopping in the middle of feedings.

To the Mothers in my life

These are the things I have learned from the mothers in my life.

Grandma-How to stay strong, hold your head high, and not lose your cool.
Marla- How to be a friend to your child.
Jenny- How to be organized and how to run your house like a well oiled machine.
Jessica- How to be gentle, delicate, kind and patient.
Pat- How to be giving AND to cook like a 5 star chef.
Mom- How to be a Christian mother.

I admire all the mothers in my life and the examples they are to me. You all have many more traits that I admire, but now that I am a mother my time is limited : ) Happy Mother's Day!

New Car!

John and I got a new car today! It was very exciting and a long day. I haggled with the sales guys for 2 1/2 hours. I refused to back down and we got the price we wanted AND a free tint job. John said he was proud of me : ) So we got a 2008 Ford Escape, its greyish green, and only has 19 miles on it. I think the lowest number of miles on a car I have had is 80,000. We were at the dealership for almost 5 hours. Ben was awesome!

All Free

I really like Benjamin's nurse and doctor. All the formula in the picture was free! I asked for a sample and they gave me all of it and told me not to buy ever, just keeping asking for more when I run out. You don't have to tell me twice!
This summer our church is going to be doing Saturday activities instead of Wednesday evening services. Here is a list of classes if anyone is interested.
6/7 Health Workshop with Dr Lance
6/14 Concealed Carry Class
6/21 Scrapbooking Workshop
6/28 Crocheting Class
7/19 Cooking Class
7/26 Fishing Workshop at Bass Pro Shop
8/2 Self Defense Class for Adults and Children
8/9 Wills, trust and other legal needs
8/16 prayer walk
8/24 Marriage Workshop with Harry Layden
The only ones that have a cost, that I know of, are the concealed carry class and the marriage workshop. Let me know if you are interested!

Look at the size of those HAMS!

Pictures for the Daddy

Lil' Buddha Belly

Infantino Front 2 Back Carrier

This is the greatest thing ever! Well, not ever, but I have gone from only having one hand free to two hands. Benji seems to really like it too. Today I was even able to go outside and play fetch with Dayton. He fell asleep when I was washing his bottles and I was able to get him out and put him in his bed without waking him. Bonus: I can feel a slight burn in the muscles in my thighs when I wear it. Not only is it a carrier but a work out device as well.

Joe Cool

Early Mother's Day

I have been eye balling this gem for a few months. It is the Bissel Pet Hair Eraser. oooooo......awwwww. I have been hinting to John that I wanted, have to have, this for Mother's Day. It was on sale at Target so I got to get it early! I was so excited to use it. I turned it on and Benji started screaming. hummm, I guess I will have to wait until he is asleep.

Check Up

Benjamin had his 2 month check up and vaccinations on Monday. He was 10lbs 2oz and 22 inches, he has gone from being in the 5 percentile to the 25th, which is wonderful news. He was very brave for his shots. (Much braver than his Mommy) Luckily John was there to hold down his hands down so I got to be the comforter after the shots. He maybe cried for 30 seconds, I was very proud. He did have a penile adhesion ( I would go into detail but thats what google is for). That caused him much more problems than the shots. He did have a fever this morning and slept quite a bit, other than those two things he had no other side effects from the vaccines.
I realized last night that he was probably big enough to move on to the next stage in his bath. It goes from newborn, to infant, to toddler. He loved it. I must say, I loved it too. It was much easier and more fun to watch him.

Honest Abe & Benjamin Franklin

Those little cheekies

Benji is really filling out...finally. He is also getting quite the little personality. He knows exactly what he wants and when he wants it, which is immediately.

A video John made (turn up your volume)

Two Months Old Today

My baby is two months old today.

Likes:
To be talked to
Elmo
Baths
Lights
Outside
To be set up
Being rocked and nursed to sleep
Baby milk
Music

Dislikes:
Being ignored
Getting in his face
Having his hands held down
Being woke up (a big no no in his book)
Mucus sucker (for lack of a better term)

Papa Joe

My dad has a special touch with babies. Since I was ten I have watched him put all my nieces and nephews to sleep and countless other babies. Now that I watch him do the same with my son it makes my heart smile.

It seems as though Benji has past on his sickness to me so during my rest I thought I would post some more pictures.

Apparently no one told Benji he was sick.

First Trip to the Minor Emergency

Benji has had a dry cough for a few days, and I hadn't thought much of it. Yesterday morning when I went to get him out of bed he was covered in vomit/spit-up (its looks the same to me). When I started to change him I noticed his cough now sounded productive. As the day progressed so did his cough. While I was on the phone with Jenny he started coughing she strongly suggested I take him to an after hours clinic. In the back on my mind I had wanted to all day, but thought it was maybe first time mom jitters. We went to the new Children's Minor Emergency at St Francis. It was so nice, everything was brand new. We had an appointment at 7, we waited about an hour in the waiting room. They took his vitals and weighed him (ya, now 9lbs) and we saw the doctor within a few minutes. After nose suction and chest x-rays they ruled out RSV and pneumonia. Poor little guy is fighting a virus. To my credit the doctor said you can't take any chances with little ones when it comes to congestion. So maybe I am not so paranoid : )

One Month to Live

We are starting a new series at church entitled, "One Month to Live". In small group the question went around the circle, how would you change your life if you had one month to live. After small group I realized everyone, including myself, misinterpreted and answered what you would do. For example, make sure my son, my husband, my estates are all in order and not how you would change your everyday life. So of course my wheels got to turning, how would I change my life, how would I think differently.
-I wouldn't wear make-up, take 20 minutes figuring out what I would wear, exercise to lose weight, diet, or go shopping. How could I justify that time spent away from those I love to make my" shell" look better? Every minute is precious.
-I wouldn't spend so much time making sure my house if clean before people came over or worse, not have people over because I don't want to clean my house. Seriously, do I care if people at my funeral say, "She always had such a clean house."
-I would drive to see my sister more. Gas prices and maintenance on the car would seem so trivial.
-I would be much more honest. I wouldn't say I am a liar now, but I wouldn't hold so much in. I guess I wouldn't care so much about making people feel uncomfortable, or hurting their feelings. In life some times the truth hurts.
-I would talk more about my faith. I am ashamed to say I rarely talk about God to those I love the most.
-I would answer the phone when people call, I would make the time no matter what I am doing.
-I would throw my TV to the curb. I have caught myself on more than one occasion saying, I will come to bed as soon as this show is over, or I will call them back over this show is over. DVR has helped, but now I feel like I watch even more TV. It makes me sad when I think I know everyones names on Big Brother, but not everyones name in church.

So, how would you live differently?

The Final Four

John left this morning to work the final four. He is really excited, this is the biggest event he has worked. He will be gone until Tuesday, so Benji and I will be holding down the fort until then. Day one has been good, dare I say boring? Benjamin is changing daily. I put on an outfit today and he had outgrown it, I believe overnight. He let out his first little giggle today. I look forward to many more. Since starting a routine and some supplementing formula its like I have a different child. He seems so much more content. He is a happy little boy and I am a happy little momma.
School starts for me June 2. I am really looking forward to it. I decided to take Sociology this summer and to get my CNA. Sociology is necessary for my bachelors (if I choose that path) and my CNA is required for the TCC nursing program. This fall I am enrolled in Microbiology and Physiology, oddly enough I am really excited about these classes. They are going to be extremely challenging, but I am ready for some brain stimulation. I will be through with my prerequisites after those two classes and will be applying for TCC nursing program for the Spring. If I do not get in, I will continue taking prereqs for my bachelors. Apparently TCC has a bridge program with OU-Tulsa to take your first 3 years at TCC (at TCC's tuition as opposed to OU's) and finish your senior year at OU. I haven't really looked into it, but it is a possibility.

Chunky Monkey

We went to the doctor today for a weight check and Mr. Benji is 8lbs even! That is about a pound in one week. I am doing about half formula and half breast milk now. I didn't realize how emotional it would be for me to stop breastfeeding, so I started breastfeeding again too. It makes for a busy day pumping, breastfeeding, freezing milk, preparing formula bottles, but its all worth it to me. Eventually I would like to breastfeed and pump only and stop the formula. For now I am just taking it one day at a time.

Its Like Night and Day

Today I started exclusively using the bottle AND doing a routine. I hate saying schedule, but basically thats what I tried to do and partially succeeded. We did Eat, Awake, Sleep, You (me) time. The acronym EASY, I got it off Baby Whisperer. Thank you for the introduction Audrey. I must say I have always thought I was against routine or scheduling, but I am not a good reader of cues. Every cue Benji gave me I thought he was telling me he was hungry. With a schedule I know what to expect AND with actually seeing how much he ate, I do not assume he is hungry 20 minutes later when he is sucking on his hand, I KNOW he just ate 3 oz. With Benji starting out sickly, I need that reassurance of actually seeing what he is getting. I feel like a new woman today. John and I actually had dinner together at a RESTAURANT with Benji. No problems, we went during his sleep time.
For all you pro breast feeders, I haven't stopped pumping, in fact I am pumping more than I have ever been able to (2-3 oz in 5 minutes). It is amazing what relaxing can do for you.
aaaaahhhhhh.........(thats me letting out a sigh of relief)

I QUIT, I QUIT, I QUIT!!!!

I lost it today, lost it. I am so tired. My body hurts. My brain is no longer functioning. I either have postpartum depression or I am just stressed to the absolute max. I cried the majority of the day. Benji didn't sleep during the day. We went on a walk, sat outside and enjoyed the weather, sang songs, but those little peepers would not close. To make it worse he wouldn't eat either, at least not from me. And to top it off John is out of town for the first time since he has been born.
So after a tearful call to my momma, I decided to quit breastfeeding. It felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy breastfeeding but I know my limits. I can handle no more stress. I thought I would feel guilty and maybe a part of me does, but I think Benji would prefer a happy momma. So there you have it. Do I feel like a quitter? Nah. I made a decision that is best for me and Benji. I love my son.

Elmo

Benji loves his Elmo. I think it is because his eyes are as big and beautiful as his.

Little Update

I went for my 6 week postpartum appointment today and everything is good. I am actually 4lbs away from being at my pre-pregnancy weight. I sure don't feel like it though!
I decided to go by Benjamin's doctor on my home to weigh him. I just couldn't wait until Thursday. He had gained some weight, but only 2 oz. I tried so hard not to cry, but I did. The poor nurse didn't know what to do. So she went and got the doctor. I told him I would like to start supplementing. He was against it, but understood. So I am only supplementing twice a day and only 1-3 ounces and only after I breast feed. I had him check his head to see if it had gotten any bigger and it had which it good. This means he does not have failure to thrive. His blood work it due to be back tomorrow, this will rule out rare diseases that could be causing him not to gain weight. John gets to feed Benjamin tonight for the first time and he is so excited, that's one good thing about us supplementing.
I hope everyone is having a good week!

Another trip to the lab...

I get a phone call today from a number I didn't recognize so I let it go to voicemail. I listen to it and it is Benjamin's doctor asking me to call him back on his cell phone. I have come to realize when a doctor calls himself, on his own cell phone, it isn't usually good news. He said he began to get concerned last night and consulted another colleage of his who specializes in "sick babies". He has decided he wants Benajmin to come into the lab today to have more blood drawn. I would rather have a needle stuck in my eye than to have Benjamin have more blood drawn. We go to the lab. I am much pushier this time than last. I let them know I need a hot pack for his foot and I want it to stay on longer than just a few minutes. One prick of the foot...squeeze for 2 hours (not really that long, but it felt like it). Phlebotomist: "That wasn't a good prick, I will have try again." I barely refrain from grabbing a needle and jabbing it in her foot repeatedly. Seriously, you see a little baby come in, at least get the best phlebotomist to draw blood. The second stick was good.
His bilirubin came back slightly elevated over normal, a 7, which is fine, 1-6 is considered in normal range. His other test will come back sometime next week. I posted on www.kellymom.com the issues Benjamin has been having and I received a very encouraging post back. This lady had been having the no weight gain issue and she figured out she had a lot of foremilk (lowfat) and the baby wasn't getting enough hindmilk (high fat, high calorie). So she gave me a few ideas to try. I really feel like this could fix it. So pray, pray, pray for hindmilk consumption.
I am feeling better since the last post. Thanks for the prayers and comments.

Failure

I just feel so defeated and like I am failing at the very basics of being a mother. We went back to the pediatrician and Benjamin has gained nothing. NOTHING, not even an ounce. He is not even back up to his birth weight and he will be 6 weeks next Tuesday. My milk is definetly in, he eats every 2-3 hours with an occasional 4 hour span through the night, he has normal wet and bowel movement diapers, developmentally he is right on target and is even a little ahead (he started rolling over at 4 weeks). The doctor is not worried, yet. We go back in 10 days to check to see if he has gained any weight, if not we will start running test then. One part of me wants to quit breastfeeding, another part of me knows that my milk is the best thing for Benjamin, another part of me wants to tell the doctor to run test now and not wait. The biggest part of me wants to just curl up and cry. I just don't know what to do. Keep Benjamin in your prayers. Maybe me too, for my sanity.

Family Picture Time!!

We had our first family pictures taken. It went much smoother than I thought it would, but it was exhausting.

Abram Derrick

Benjamin and I had the pleasure of being there for the birth of his new cousin Abram, also known as Lusty Boy #3, also known as Tank. I will let Jenny give everyone details, but it was quite the birth.

1 Month Old

No, he's not suprised in the second picture, he just has big, beautiful eyes : ) It feels likes longer than a month and also just like yesterday when I found out I was pregnant. I love my son, I love my husband. I am so thankful for the life God has blessed me with.

Little Dimple

Yes, I sat with the camera pointed at Benjamin for 30 minutes to get a picture of him smiling, but I got it. What else do I have to do?