.
Ben had asked if he could go to the bathroom outside. I said yes. I totally misunderstood what bathroom meant.

Days 23-26

Not a lot has changed. I was able to get contacts which does improve my vision in my eye. The rheumatologist's office called and set me up an appointment for April 4. Nice to know they are not in a hurry. I have driven myself crazy going back in forth feeling the need to educate myself on every autoimmune disease, just in case that's the one, then not wanting to read anything and bury my head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong. Both have their drawbacks and both have their benefits.
John and I had two lunch dates this past week. It was really nice. John also had his review at work and his boss had incredible things to say about him. Of course I think the world of him, but to hear someone else thinks he is great too, is awesome. Ben has had his moments being the three year old he is, but he has been extremely affectionate and loving towards me.

Day 22

I called the doctor today on my way to clinicals. His nurse gave me my lab results, a positive ANA. I have an autoimmune disease. I'm being referred to a rheumatologist. I was unaware rhematologist specialize in autoimmune diseases other than rheumatoid arthritist. It took a while for the news of the positive test result to sink in, which I was thankful for. I really didn't want to be a blubbering mess at clinicals. When I called my mom to tell her, she thought this had to do with AIDS. So for my non medical friends, I do not have AIDS. Autoimmune means your body is mistaking itself as an invader and attacking itself. Its overactive, AIDS in underactive. There are hundreds of autoimmune disease some mild some very serious. I would assume I do not have a genetic autoimmune disease like ALS, since there is no evidence of this in my family. I have already tested negative for RA.
My biggest fear is that I will not be able to have any more children or continue school.

Day 21

Today started my OB/GYN rotation and I am thrilled! I loved lecture today and am excited about starting clinicals tomorrow. I received a message today from my primary care doctor's nurse informing me my lab results are back. Now I have to wait all night to find out what the results are.

Day 20

I'm having a really hard day. I'm frustrated and exhausted. Everything takes more time, everything is harder. Its little things. I can't see my left armpit to shave. I can't see my right eye to put make-up on it, in order to drive I have to turn my head constantly, etc. I think if I knew these things were for a limited time or I had a time line on when things would be back to normal, I could do it without any complaints. Its the not knowing and the looming fear of not knowing exactly whats going on. Is it something serious? I think what is making it especially hard for me today is seeing how it is affecting my school work. I'm spending more time on my work and my grades are lower. It just stinks and my attitude stinks.
On an upside I have the sweetest most compassionate little boy. He really is special. John's not too bad either : ) He offered to shave my under arm for me and put make-up on my eye. Maybe I'll take him up on the offer for some comedy relief.

Day 18 & 19

My eye has been the same the last two days. I am hopeful that the swelling will continue to decrease. I should get my blood work results back tomorrow or the next day and I am anxiously waiting.
Good news, I start my OB clinicals and classes this week. I'm pretty excited!

Day 17

Today I had two doctors appointments one with my primary care doctor and an appoitment with my eye doctor. At the first appointment the doctor said overall I look good, but he wanted to have some blood work drawn. I should get the results back Monday or Tuesday. I got good news at the retina specialist, the inflamation on my optic nerve has decreased and he believes with the right lenses he will be able to get my vision to 20/25. The spot hasn't gone away in my eye and I am hoping once all the inflamation is gone it will also be gone. Only time will tell. My next appointment isn't until 3 weeks. Its always a good sign when your doctor appointments are further apart.

Day 16

With everything going on, one of the biggest blessings is I have had to slow down. Slowing down equals more time to spend with Ben.
Today I had a test to take then I went to see the Indian doctor in Sapulpa (I'm not for exactly what her title is, I've teetered between Medicine man and Indian doctor). She uses eyeology to see what your body is missing and what areas should be focused on. In doing this she recommends what you should or should not be consume, whether it be food or vitamins. I am a fan of alternative medicine, not by itself but in compliment with modern medicine. She looks into your eyes and identifies your issues. There is an actual science behind and some day I plan on doing some research on it. Her main concerns with me were, my lymphatic system, my thyoid and parathyroid, and my circulatory system. She was right on, on a few things she spoke of, it was really interesting. She asked me to come back and see her in 6-8 weeks. Might I add, she does this for no charge, so its not a gimic. Tomorrow I have my appointment with my primary care doctor and retina specialist.

Day 15

Yesterday I had to take Ben to the doctor, poor guy had an ear infection. Its interesting how quickly I forgot about my medical issues when something was wrong with my baby. At 6:30 I jumped in the car to go pick up Ben's medicine. When I left the pharmacy I realized it was dark outside. In the dark I can barely see anything out of my left eye. Luckily all the streets were very well lit. I made it home safely. Although turning into the driveway was a bit tricky.

Side note, no change in my vision.

Day 14

Its been two weeks. Someone asked me if I get sick of people asking me about my eye. When people stop asking, is when I will be concerned. I've decided to go and see the Indian doctor in Sapulpa. I believe in alternative medicine, but as complimentary to modern medicince. I curious as to what she will say. I've been worrying less about my eye and its become more of a frustration. Everything takes more time.
Its hard to complain about any of this after spending the day with hospice patients.

Day 13

My eye is the same. I have noticed I am able to compensate better. If I am reading if I move my book just to the right of my center vision, I am able to see it better. I made an appointment with a primary care physician to have some blood work drawn and just to hear a physcians ideas whose specialty isn't the eye. I am hoping this will give me some peace of mind and some confirmation that this is localized to my eye.